Cooking Breakfast
This is Fern this morning.
Last night, we finished dinner and I let her have some fruit popsicle. She devoured it, and was mad when I took her to the bathroom to wash her hands and I took the popsicle stick away. Then she was mad that she couldn't play with the water anymore. Then she was mad that I proceeded to change her poopie diaper. And then she was REALLY mad that I plopped her on the floor in front of all her toys while I wiped down her high chair, the table and the floor. She started to scream, and was only exhaling. Tray was typing an email, and I let him know, "Fern is really upset right now."
I kept wiping as we were heading up for bed soon, and I didn't want the slime permanently attaching itself to the layer of dirt already on the floor. I looked over at her again because I still hadn't heard her let out her scream. Then I realized she still hadn't taken a breath in. I quickly scooped her up and realized she wasn't breathing. She turned blue and still hadn't gasped in. Her body went limp in my arms, her arms and legs were like dead weights and she just felt so heavy.
I was screaming at her. I was pounding her back, I didn't know if she had somehow choked on something or the popsicle was making her go into distress or WHAT. I told Tray to call 911, and could only picture myself in the back of an ambulance with my dead baby on a stretcher.
Finally the color started returning, but she wasn't crying and didn't seem very phased. I wanted her to nurse so badly, and she nursed fine and seemed fine. We went upstairs so I could make sure she would crawl around and pull herself up and listen to stories at bedtime. Again, in the 30 minutes I monitored her, her breathing and color and temperature seemed fine. I remembered that I had heard of some babies and toddlers who make themselves pass out, and Tray comforted me that she was fine and that she just lost her breath for a bit.
What a scary experience. Especially after hearing this article on NPR yesterday. I am so grateful for her little life and hope I never have to hold her like that again.


  1. that is so scary!! I don't know if this will help next time (because I hope there isn't a next time), but when Sullivan was in the hospital and his crying would interfere with his breathing, the nurses would blow into his face, forcing him to inhale. I still do it whenever he's screaming and his lips start to turn blue. It usually helps.
    I'm sorry!!

  2. so sad! i'm tearing up just now. i'm so glad little Fern is okay. we love you Fern!!

  3. holy crap. what a horrible moment! thank God she's okay.

  4. oh Marni! That's so scary, i didn't even think it was real when I was reading it. I can't imagine how scary that must have been. I'm really sorry, but really glad she is ok!

    and ps- is that a dyson? because i REALLY want one of those, the animal bc i have a dog!