After a very frustrating morning of driving an hour and then waiting for 2 hours in a Norristown clinic for my appointment, I finally saw a nurse. She came in and handed me a form and said, "The doctor wants you to fill this out so she knows how to treat you." I filled out the simple questionnaire, trying to wrangle Fern away from the clipboard, paper and pen. It was one of those, "How many times have you felt _________ in the last 2 weeks" types of forms. I filled it out, and waited another 10 minutes until the nurse finally came back for the form.
10 minutes later, the doctor came in, and said based on my answers I am, indeed, suffering from depression. However, she said, because I am nursing Fern, I can't take anti-depressants. She gave me a form to fill out to bring to the County Assistance Office (always a fun trip) to re-apply for Medicaid based on disability. Now I have another appointment in Norristown, at which I will get set up with a counselor for therapy, hopefully somewhere a bit closer to home.
As she was walking out of the room, the doctor reached out and touched my shoulder, and I thought I was going to crumble and disintegrate. This didn't feel like help. I waited weeks for this appointment, and really thought I would be leaving with a prescription. I wanted to cry, but as much of parenthood is, there is no space to feel, no room for processing emotions, and I had to get Fern packed up and get back to Tray and Sage so he could head to work (which he was already 3 hours late for).
Of course, the kids fell asleep on the car ride home. Which always means that Sage's nap gets cut short (no way in heck am I going to drive around for 2-2.5 hours or sit in a 150 degree car that long), and she is super cranky the rest of the day. In a moment of clarity, I decided the best thing was to go to McDonald's for some water.
Hmm, well what I ended up having was a tad less healthy. Here's the visual:
Me, on my "wheat-free, dairy-free mega-diet-to help Fern's ears", sitting in my car, chowing a Big'N'Tasty WITH CHEESE in a Wal-Mart parking lot. BAH HA HA! Oh yeah, and don't forget the Diet Coke. No, I didn't have any fries. That would've been excessive.

I am glad that today it seems even a little funny. I wonder when I'll learn that food doesn't heal wounds.

Need I say that our health insurance situation in this country is ridiculous? I was listening to NPR the other day about France's health insurance and some other European countries', and had to turn it off. My plan is, if I can get health insurance, to wean Fern and re-assess. Any weaning advice? She really won't take a bottle, and isn't into sippy cups at ALL.


  1. Hey marni, I am so sorry this appointment was not very helpful. I'm so glad you ate that burger! Seriously, you burn it all off just keeping up with the kids, don't you? I don't have any weaning advice, but if she gets hungry enough she'll eat from a bottle, right? Sorry, not helpful. I just am feeling frustrated for you.

  2. that does sound discouraging! i'm sorry. but yay for mcdonalds! sometimes you just need a little fast food to ease the pain

  3. haha! mcdonald's in the walmart parking lot. if you can't laugh about that, well, then, what are you going to do? it's such a classic mom moment. we have been through the medicare stuff with sullivan and it is such a headache and makes us long for anywhere with a better healthcare system - I feel your pain! on the upside, with him, it's totally free and they pay for everything which is great - it's better than the "fancy" insurance I had with my teaching job.