Two nights ago, Tray and I watched 'The Flying Scotsman'. I really loved the movie, and I was particularly moved by the scene in which the main character is verbally attacked by his childhood enemy.
"You're a nobody," he said.
It made me reflect on times in my life when I have felt that way. Whether it was a person, a group of people, life happenstance, or even something I did to someone else. I feel like I have "dealt" with most, if not all, of those times, whether through journaling or talking it out with someone. But sometimes I remember a specific moment, or someone's face, and the rawness is still there. I am beyond grateful for my faith, because I can bring that hurt and emptiness and sadness to God. I don't have to put it in words. I don't have to compose myself. I don't have to act like I have it all together. And as lame as it may sound, I often meditate on being held in the lap and arms of God, in a warm, quiet place where I am safe right now. A somebody. It doesn't make the hurt go away, it just helps me know that it is okay to hurt...but that I AM loved and I am not alone.
On to more mathematical issues. We have not been keeping a monthly budget for months now. We stopped keeping track out of laziness and folly, and I finally kicked myself into gear last month and kept track of our spending. Wow. That's all I have to say. We need to reign in for reals. I am going to be cloth diapering and cloth wiping it up, watching our food costs, not buying expensive beer, and changing our internet access. Also praying for good attitudes and joy in being wise spenders!
Speaking of math, I am headed back to school in a couple of months. I am pretty nervous. I will be taking 'Introduction to Modern Physics' and 'Mathematical Physics'. Needless to say, I am nervous about school and nervous about the girls. But, I am really excited about Mathematical Physics, as that is what I'm into. Modern? Not so much...too theoretical. But maybe inspiration for some cool clothes?