Video Submission

I was going to wait til the contest was over, but something tells me I don't really need to worry about it (no, not because I am going to win, but rather, because I don't think anyone is going to "steal" my idea...duh!! ha.). This is the video that Tray, Sage, Fern and I made to enter to win a new sewing machine. Pretty fun! I did all of the editing, and it was a good learning process. It felt good to have a challenge in front of me and a need to think creatively again, including a deadline.

Now, back to that dress I started making:

hardcore hubby

Running to the post office on the bike, comes home looking like this.
"the ground hurts"

life right now

hmm, well, this photo sums it up pretty well. let's hope it works:
I made a dress form, in order to make some clothes. On the table behind it, you'll see a pile of clean clothes waiting to be folded and returned to their rightful place. Also, you'll see 2 books. One book is about breastfeeding, the other about sewing. The breastfeeding book was found in the library today as I browsed the parenting section (Browsing made possible by hubby's day off). Nursing has been tough lately. While it's only 8 PM as I type, I am exhausted as Fern was up a lot last night. She has been biting a lot, as well as pinching me while she nurses, and she is still refusing formula or breastmilk from any cups or bottles or straws. I feel like our nursing relationship is beyond 'on the rocks', and all I want is out. I am resentful most of the time of her nursing, and have ceased to enjoy what should be special time with her. I screamed so loud this morning when she bit me that I felt like I woke the neighbors...and I feel like it just puts me over the edge on most days. But, I am trying to accept that, maybe this is where God has me right now. Maybe this difficult relationship, this trying time, this struggle of wills, is where I need to be. Maybe there is something to be learned here, and certainly something to be gained for both of us. I hope that the book helps in some way. Dr. Sears both rubs me the wrong way but also appeals to a part of my heart.
The sewing book is awesome so far, and I greatly anticipate sewing some clothes for myself soon, and getting experience sewing 'big people' clothes (not baby clothes!). Hopefully "Big Mama" (what we are calling my dressform) will be helpful in fitting.
And yes, the laundry got folded. AND put away! That's a miracle.

projects

Some things I have been working on:
handmade leather shoes for Fern from a recycled ("upcycled"?) jacket

life back home

Adjusting to life, once all the stuff is put away and the laundry is finished, is a mix of fun and sad. I hate leaving Northern Michigan, coming home to the thick, dark air of Philly (which is even more obvious when you fly into it).
Yesterday, as I was driving the kids home from the suburbs, I realized how "hard" you have to be when you live in the city. I am always on guard here: looking out for crazy drivers, driving defensively so that I don't get cut off, locking my car doors, locking my bike on top of my car, looking both ways before driving into intersections, and just constantly surrounded by harsh living situations and potential crime. It is exhausting.
I long for days in the country, where I can leave all my stuff in our yard and not worry about it, where locking the doors of the house is optional, where we own some green space and a garden, where my girls can spend time outside just exploring without having to get in a car.
It was really nice to come home to OUR home. It's not our dream home, but it's home. I know I will miss a lot about the city.

In completely different news, I went for a bike ride in the suburbs yesterday, and it was SO HARD. The hills are pretty intense near Tray's work, and I pretty much stayed within a 3-4 mile radius. After 12 minutes, I was exhausted. Because of Tray's work schedule, I will only get one swim workout in this week, which is not great since my next race is in like 2.5 weeks.
Here's a picture of Sage and I from the other day.

vacation

Vacation has taken on a new meaning since having kids, as anyone with kids understands. It now involves a lot of mental strenth to persevere through the tough moments and lots of energy to make the memories happen. After getting burned HARDCORE when we went to Family Camp the first year, when Sage was 8 weeks old, I realized fully that vacation is different. Not necessarily worse, or better, just different. My own desires and goals and attempts are now secondary or tertiary, to those of my kids and husband. Once I was able to let that sink in, I was able to approach vacations with a much more rational mindset: don't expect a pre-kid vacation! Tray insisted that we fly this year, and rent a car, so I submitted, and I expected a challenging trip. He, however, expected smooth flying and smooth vaca. The first two days or so took a little adjustment on his part, and it was tough for me to enjoy myself when he was kind of miserable. After all, it is my family's "thing", and I can see how it would be tough to try to enjoy yourself.
It is important to remember that, even if you think you're taking a shortcut, things are still tough. Flying was not easy in any sense of the term, but it was quicker than driving 20 hours.

Here are a few pictures:

What a treat to be in the woods, under tall, old pine trees, surrounded by old friends and my family, soaking in the smell of green. Hearing birds, water lapping, streams flowing, and children playing. I loved every minute of it. I wish I could say I was happy to be back in the city, but landing into this smog and dirt, I can't wait until we can live out in the country, or at least some small town!
ps-Fern and I took another trip to the ER,...another ear infection. But she's golden now.